Have you ever found yourself pouring your heart, time, energy and support into someone or something, only to get back a fraction of what you put in? It’s one of those tough realities of life that many of us face - whether in friendships, romantic relationships, or professional settings. When you’re giving 100% and only receiving 30%, it can be frustrating, disheartening, and leave you questioning your worth.
So, what can you do in these situations? Here’s how to handle when the energy and support you’re giving aren’t matched in return.
Recognize that you can't control others’ efforts
First off, acknowledge that no matter how much energy and care you give, you can’t control other people's responses. While it’s natural to want your effort to be reciprocated, people have different capacities, priorities, and ways of engaging. If someone is giving you only 30% of their support, it's likely that their 30% reflects their own limitations, not your worth.
Instead of focusing on what you're not getting, shift your attention to what you can control - your own actions, boundaries, and emotional well-being. Remind yourself that your value doesn’t hinge on their response.
Check in with yourself: Are you overextending?
Sometimes, we get so caught up in giving that we forget to check if we’re overextending ourselves. Ask yourself: are you giving more than is sustainable for you? Are you draining your own energy in ways that leave you feeling empty? Self-care is crucial. If you consistently give 100% without taking time to recharge, resentment can build, and you can lose sight of your own needs.
Be honest with yourself. Are you overextending to the point where it feels like a sacrifice? If so, it might be time to reassess how much energy you're giving to this person or situation. It’s okay to pull back a little to protect your own mental and emotional health.
Communicate openly and honestly
If you feel that the imbalance is affecting your well-being, it’s important to have an honest conversation. Approach the situation with empathy and respect, rather than accusatory language. You could say something like:
“I’ve been noticing that I’ve been putting a lot of energy into supporting you, and I feel like I'm not getting the same level of support in return. I value our connection and would love for us to be more aligned in how we show up for each other.”
This opens the door for dialogue without making the other person feel attacked. It might also give them insight into how you’re feeling. Remember, people might not always realize they’re giving less than expected unless it’s brought to their attention.
Set boundaries to protect your energy
Setting boundaries is key when you feel like someone isn’t reciprocating your efforts. It’s about ensuring that you maintain your own well-being.
For example, if you find that you’re constantly being the one who listens or supports without much return, it’s okay to say no to situations that drain you. You don’t need to be available at all times or give endlessly. Prioritize your own needs and be selective about where you invest your time and energy.
Evaluate the relationship
If you consistently find yourself giving your all and only getting 30% back, it’s worth considering whether the relationship is serving you. It’s a tough question, but sometimes it’s necessary to evaluate if this dynamic is healthy or sustainable. Are you being taken for granted? Are your efforts being appreciated?
A one-sided relationship, whether personal or professional, can lead to burnout and resentment. If the imbalance persists despite you addressing it, it might be time to have a deeper conversation about the future of your relationship or reconsider how much time and energy you devote to it.
Trust the process and let go of expectations
One of the most liberating things you can do is let go of your expectations. When you give without expecting anything in return, it allows you to act from a place of genuine kindness rather than obligation or a desire for validation.
That being said, it’s important to maintain balance. While it’s great to give generously, make sure you’re also receiving what you need in relationships. Life has a way of balancing things out, and if someone isn’t giving you the support you need, it could be a sign to focus on yourself, build your self-worth, or invest in relationships that are more mutually supportive.
Redirect your energy where it's valued
Lastly, remember that there are many people in your life who will appreciate and reciprocate the energy you give. Redirect your efforts to those who value your time, support, and attention and those who understand and respect you. Cultivate relationships where both parties are willing to invest and uplift each other.
Focus on what truly nurtures you, and give your energy to people who not only appreciate it but return it in equal measure. There’s a world of mutual support waiting for you, so don’t feel obligated to continue giving to a situation where you’re not getting the same back.
It’s tough when you give 100% and only get a small amount back, but it’s important to realize that you’re not responsible for others’ efforts, and you deserve relationships that are balanced and reciprocal. Take care of yourself, communicate openly, and don’t be afraid to set boundaries when needed. Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is redirect your energy into the relationships that bring you joy and fulfilment, knowing that your worth isn’t defined by anyone’s inability to match your effort.